I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
