I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
