dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
