You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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