You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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