you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
