I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
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I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
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Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.