ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.