Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
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I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.