That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
