I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity