just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dick very happy bro