I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
