Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
