Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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