apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
