I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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