when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
