is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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