With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
