Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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