you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
