so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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