he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
