It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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