Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
