Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
what the fuck happened to the tacos
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
