So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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