I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am one with the molecules
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
