I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
