Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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