There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
