Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
