Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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