your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
