This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
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I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
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why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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