My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
