I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
