hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
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I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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