He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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