I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
