is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
