I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
