You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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