This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
