So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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