if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
