The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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