I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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