You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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