look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
