Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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