This gyro tastes like lonliness
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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