I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
