help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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