my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
