Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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