He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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