24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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