They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
