is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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