you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
