why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
