I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
