i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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