Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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