my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
