Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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