The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
COCAINE IS GR8
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
