What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's just like the Real World with babies
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
