Kiss
Puke
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
