the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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