Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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