The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
