The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
