I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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