I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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