i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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