i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
